tugs on the ol heart strings
by ANamelessTune
Summary: you're pretending. you're pretending for me. you're pretending because you wish carly would have pretended with you. the downs of love—as told by Sam Puckett. sam/freddie/carly


**tugs on the ol heart stings**

_;; you're pretending. you're pretending for me. you're pretending because you wish carly would have pretended with you. the downs of love—as told by Sam Puckett ;;_

_A/N: _so yeah, another one of those stories I've been working on forever and just now finished. hope you like it.

Disclaimer:if I owned anything, it wouldn't be posted on fanfiction

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you're pretending. you're pretending for me. you're pretending because you wish carly would have pretended with you.

and you kiss me, not like you kissed her, you kissed her soft. you kiss me _hard_ because you're trying so hard to feel something that isn't here. because you know. you know how it feels not to be loved.

.

"you still love Carly," i say one day while we watch jaws on the tv in your living room. you hate the movie but you know I love it.

you look at me with a confused expression and i can tell how much it hurts you to make your face twist that way. "no i don't," you say lightly and then crash your lips against my own.

"you're lying," i state as you start to kiss my neck.

"i love you Sam," you sigh and i cringe as your lips suddenly go bitter.

"but you love her more," i state and you bring your eyes up to mine.

"i love you Sam," you repeat so gravely, i almost believe you but your voice is strained. you're wanting to believe those words are true.

i give in and let myself believe your lies and kiss you, _hard_. because maybe this time you'll feel something.

.

she's still a big part of our lives. i mean it's not like just because we start dating, she's going to drop off the edge of the earth, or something.

and she's my best friend, and best friends are supposed to tell each other everything, right?

i'm sitting in her apartment, staring down at the ham sandwich she'd made me, not feeling all that hungry anymore.

"here you go," she says handing me a glass of lemonade with a joyful smile. i smile back, but it doesn't reach my eyes.

"he still loves you," i blurt when she turns to walk away.

she stops dead in her tracks and turns around, tilting her head, and stares at me. "who," she asks, even though we both know she knows quite well who i'm talking about.

"freddie," i say dryly and i'm surprised at how his name catches in my throat.

she then laughs a tense laugh and smiles and then says, "he's _your_ boyfriend sam."

"so?" i ask standing up from her couch, "that doesn't mean anything."

"sam," she says lightly, moving closer to me to touch my arm, "you know I've never felt that way about freddie." _but that doesn't mean he's never felt that way about you._

she knows it. she's just too scared to say it. and she looks at me with pitiful eyes and i jerk away from her claiming i have to go do something my mom asked me to do, which i probably do but am too lazy to.

.

everyone at school finds out.

we don't flat out say it, or even hold hands as we walk through the halls. one day at my locker he just kisses me, like he has something to prove.

there are gasps, and "no way,"s but out of all the chatter the one thing that stands out the most to me is the comment, "wait! what about carly?"

i quickly kiss him back, hard, slamming him against my locker, i have something to prove.

mr. howard quickly finds his way over to us and breaks us up mumbling something about "pda" and "detention", but i don't listen and push my way through the crowds out the front door of the school.

freddie follows carly to class.

.

he asks me out to dinner to my favorite restaurant. i decline.

"oh," he says lightly, but not particularly displeased. guess who he asks out to dinner instead.

he's been going that ever since we started dating. bringing me homemade ribs, or buying all my lunches and smoothies, he even bought me an easel when he figured out how much i love to draw.

but it's all out of guilt, every single thing. he always acts like he's done something so horribly wrong and is trying to make up for it.

oh, freddie, hasn't your mother told you, you can't buy love.

.

were sitting in on the couch his living room again, a bowl of popcorn separating us. he lets his arm rest on the top of the couch behind me.

every now and then it grows tired and falls onto my shoulders, but he quickly jerks his arm back up onto the couch again. It's like he touched something so hot that it burned him, but hey, that's what guilt does to you.

it burns.

my phone chirps all of a sudden. i answer it to find a hysterical carly on the other end. she just discovered that her new boyfriend, jack, has been cheating on her.

i listen for a bit, but can tell I'm not much of a help by just going "uhuh," or "mhm," every now and then. and freddie is growing more and more anxious beside me as he hears carly's wails from over the phone. he keeps glancing over at me, and i can tell he would just love to rip the phone away from me.

"ca-can I talk to freddie?" she asks between sobs.

i grind my teeth together and spit out a bittersweet, "of course." freddie didn't need to hear anything more. he was already grabbing the phone from my ear.

he quickly gets up off the couch and walks over to the kitchen, shooting me a blameworthy glance. i ignore it.

"i'm so sorry," i hear him coo, followed by a "he didn't deserve you," and "any guy would be lucky to be with you."

i try to ignore the rest of the conversation and enjoy the movie, but after another fifteen minutes of, "i'm sure you'll be with the right guy someday," i had to put a stop to it.

"you're using up all my minutes," i say and freddie glances over at me surprised, like he was just remembering i was still in the room.

he hangs up with carly, but not before promising he'll stop by sometime tonight.

we continue to watch the movie together, but he seems uneasy as he keeps shifting on the couch. "do you think we should go check on carly?" he finally asks.

"you can go without me," i say not moving my eyes away from the screen.

he does.

i end up watching the end of the movie by myself. i let freddie pick it out. it's about a married couple, that's having trouble because one of them is in love with another person.

how ironic.

.

"i think we should break up," i say as i arrive at his locker one morning. he looks over at me, surprised.

"we should?" he asks and i nod, "why?"

"because," i dig my hands deeper into my pockets, "i think we both want different things."

he looks at me for a moment and then nods. "can we—you know, still be friends?"

i nod and chirp in a fake-enthusiastic "yeah, totally."

he smiles at me a crooked smile, with heartbreaking eyes. "you know, i really thought one day we would be together." for a second i think he's talking about me, until i see his eyes drift over to carly, whose standing at her locker.

"yeah, i know."

and he sighs and thinks for a moment before going, "but maybe we could make it work for us. i mean, i care about you a lot and i'm sure one day i'll get over her and then i can—"i shake my head and he stops talking.

"you know that's not true." he opens his mouth to say something, but then closes it and just nods.

i then shrug and say "it was fun while it lasted," and then i turn and begin to walk away.

"i love you sam!" freddie calls after me.

i turn around not caring that everyone in the hallway is now staring at us, including carly, and smile a sad smile which he mimics.

"yeah," I say, "but you love her more."

.

you're pretending. you're pretending for me. you're pretending because you wish carly would have pretended with you.

.

_A/N: _sorry for the lack of CAPITOL letters, i was trying something different. and i'm not entirely pleased with the way this turned out, it's kind of fast written and sketchy.

but anyways, if you do like it, or hate it, or you just feel like you want your opinion to be heard, you know what to do, review.


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